Screwing with SG1
by Azamiko
Summary: Because SG1 has one nutcase-per season-and three sane people, and SGA1 has one sane person and three nutcases.


Not mine, obviously. Sorry to all of you waiting for my other fics. Well, the one that actually has a plot. I still intend to finish Dear Sasuke, even though I honestly don't like Naruto much anymore. I've been told it got a lot better right after I stopped reading. *shrug* Anyway, this popped out in the middle of the night last night, so I figured I'd post it. As usual, un-beta'd, and the 'other language' is from a short online list, so don't blame me if the one word is wrong.

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><p>WAYS SGA1 SCREWS WITH SG1:<p>

With Vala trying to poke him under the table during meetings and a major translation project of his own, Daniel wasn't able to catch the reason Sam needed McKay's input on her latest project. All he really knew was that, a week later, Rodney McKay had shown up at Stargate Command with Specialist Ronon Dex in tow. Honestly, he wasn't even sure if they'd come from Atlantis or had already been on Earth for some other reason.

Either way, in the few days they'd been there, he'd gotten used to seeing Ronon dragging McKay from the labs before McKay would remember 'Oh, food!' and begin dragging the larger man in return. Sam had looked pretty smug when telling the rest of SG1 about McKay's 'babysitter.'

"Evidentally, Sheppard gave him a _bedtime_!" She'd smirked over breakfast.

Mitchell snickered loudly, a splurt of oatmeal dribbling down his chin. Daniel glanced up from his text, wrinkling his nose and passing Cam one of his napkins.

"Well, I wouldn't mind him putting _me_ to bed," Vala grinned lasciviously, shifting in her already 'relaxed-yet-hot' pose.

Somehow, Jack had managed to make the same pose-leaning back in the chair, legs casually spread, one arm over the back as the other cradled a drink-look snarky and insolent. Daniel briefly wondered why the same pose didn't work for him. He was as hot as the other two, wasn't he?

Suddenly, the gossip session was interrupted by the arrival of the subjects themselves. The two members of SGA1 plunked themselves down a few seats over from SGC's premier team-close enough to talk, if they felt like it, but far enough away to separate anyone in case of potential arguments.

Evidentally deciding that social engagements could wait until after their first rounds-and Daniel would never understand how two people could eat _that_ much, especially in the morning-Ronon and McKay simply nodded their greetings and tucked into their meals. SG1, now unable to talk about 'the-man-they-loved-to-hate' with him and his watchdog just a few feet away, returned to their respective breakfasts for a minute before Teal'c asked Vala about a particular custom she'd mentioned earlier that week.

The conversation continued, comfortable and casual as a family dinner-with even the requisite food thowing included. McKay and Ronon ignored their friendly rivals, being so quiet that for once, the two managed to fade in the background.

At least, for a moment.

Then, McKay looked up and muttered something to his teammate. Daniel, paying attention to his own discussion of local customs with Vala, felt his head tilt involuntarily. Something had been odd there.

When Ronon simply nodded, the anthropologist-archeologist-diplomat-to-aliens gave a mental shrug. He really wasn't as interested in the love-hate relationship Sam and Cam had developed with the arrogant scientist. He refused to admit it to his team, but Daniel actually found McKay to be pretty funny sometimes. Plus, he might be a jerk, but it had been proven-to Daniel, at the very least-that the man had a pretty good heart. Very, very deeply buried.

When Ronon spoke a moment later, Daniel was in the middle of a sentence and didn't notice. Cam and Teal'c, however, did. The soldier blinked across at the warrior, whose eyebrow had begun to head upwards, and when McKay answered, it set fully in what Vala had labeled 'incredulous position.'

Ronon answered more quickly this time, and a lull in the conversations around them made his words easily discernable. If, that is, they'd been discernable at all.

"Um, excuse me, but what language are you speaking?" Daniel felt his interest stirring as the two men continued on, ignoring their now attentative audience.

"Qapla'." McKay glanced over, a vaguely condescending sneer on his face. He said something else in the gutteral language, obviously a joke at Daniel's expence, if Ronon's grin was anything to go by. The 'soft-scientist,' however, was used to cocky attitudes and stubborness. He had, after all, survived tenure as Jack O'Neil's best friend for almost a decade. Well, mostly survived, anyway.

"Is that Satedan? Or, is there another common language to the Pegasus Galaxy? I've read your reports, of course...Or rather, I've read the reports your anthropologists send and you sign off on, but none of them said..." Daniel trailed off, mind whirring.

The Satedan snorted, interrupting Daniel's thoughts. McKay, though, was the one who answered, full-on smirking at the perplexed SG1. Vala smiled brightly in return, sensing a great prank was being pulled.

"And you call yourself and expert on languages! Can't even recognize an Earth language."

Daniel's brow furrowed in thought. "That's not an Earth language. I'm sure of it. And why would he," a gesture towards the large-alien-warrior-who-wasn't-Teal'c, "know an obscure Earth language? Which I still don't believe it is."

Cam and Sam were nodding their agreement, either sure that Daniel was smarter, or simply wanting to support their teammate. And laugh when he got the better of the know-it-all-McKay. Teal'c and Vala 'stayed out of it' in their respective ways-he by remaining stoically amused and she by grinning gleefully and wondering whether she should take bets.

"Fully developed on Earth, thank-you-very-much." McKay grabbed his empty tray, probably planning to get to the lab before Sam in order to stage a coup. Ronon followed, still grinning his wolf's grin.

"And you can figure it out yourself, _Doctor _Jackson. Don't bother me when I'm doing _real_ work." With that, the two left a sputtering Daniel, annoyed Cam, and sympathetic Sam in their wake.

"Ooh, you got _schooled_!" Vala almost squealed her glee as everyone at the surrounding tables pretended they hadn't heard the entire embarrassing conversation. Teal'c simply nodded.

The whole thing left a bitter taste in Daniel's mouth, and a whole spiel of complaints in Cam's. Sam commiserated, and Vala riled them all up whenever they seemed to be calming down. It wasn't until Daniel announced his plan to spend the rest of the week-if necessary-seeking out the origins of this new language that a gate tech at the next table finally spoke up and told them the name of the language.

McKay and Ronon, standing just outside the commisary as they waited for the fruits of their prank, were completely gratified to hear Daniel's indignant howl.

"MCKAY! KLINGON IS _NOT_ A REAL EARTH LANGUAGE!"


End file.
